www.satmar.com ??

My computer-mouth stands evidence to some overtime googling. There is a stark coffee smell on the smiling-family-picture-mouthpad in addition to what my husband refers to as the 'shiny area' on the mouth itself - a result of the stuff I munched on while oogling at the screen (won't even talk about that, it's just gonna take me down another food-related guilt trip. I've definitely been feeding one mouth too many.)

It started when I began googling the word 'satmar' for a work-related project. I alternated with 'satmEr' and 'chassid'. I needed some pictures to put into a document. No biggie.

Turned out, I discovered a gold mine. Being a chassidic girl, I thought we all utilize the web for the same reason. To get access to the news and information we're cut off from. There's mostly mainstream reporting but sometimes, I'll admit, there's stuff a little off my mainstream. Either way, I wouldn't exactly doublya-doublya for the Chassidic Bible. I have enough without the wire...

I was shocked to see how the web is a feeding tube for all Chassidic souls that have struggled with a community that does not acknowledge all sorts of people. What bothered me though was that there is no one to balance the boat. All young women and boys that are happily following the instruction sheet for life, and derive great innocence and comfort thereof, do not air any of their laundry online. Therefore, when one googles the word Satmar, like myself, you get hundreds of result pertaining to either the rift (let's not go there) or the restrictions. Consequently, the online Satmar has formed into a body resembling nothing of the innocence and happiness that our community actually consists of. As much open minded as I tried to be, deep down, I know it's not us.

No. I'm not one of the people blessed with 'innocence'. I've been out of here, returned, dubbed a 'bum' and later struggled to catch up with the robotic pace. With the help of DSL I now learnt that I'm considered a conformist. Baruch hashem for that. Identity crisis is just not something I can afford to put onto my to-do list.

Over shabbos I've been sitting on all the info I found on the web. The girl that asks questions on Yahoo Answers like "What do you think about Jews?" and then "Where can I get a small, cheap TV?". She later admits to being 18 and mostly unfamiliar with the details of sex. That makes her one of 'us'.
There's a blog that posted a newspaper piece. To sum it up, the piece suggested that the Kiryas Joel officials 'sent somebody' to sexually molest a girl, for political reasons. I'll tell ya, I wasn't sure what surprised me more, the article itself or the fact that all the eager listeners bought the shtism. They celebrated the garbage.
There's a blog, gay-ex-choosid, by a guy that was forced to leave our community because of the judgment we easily pass at others that are not template. I feel sorry for him, but I don't buy that he screws with MANY other chassidish men and knows that many men have other women while their till-death-do-us-part is in the Catskills.

Child molestation, wife beaters, extramarital relations, gay, lesbian, atheist, murder, drug abusers, mafia - - whatnot. It's all online. Almost the guide to proper chassidis.It's good we have a shabbos. One disconnected day helped wake up. There are no regular wife-beater. There are no regular 'wife swaps'. Tempted by the thrilling monster of gossip, I almost believed all of it.

Not that I'm suggesting this is the Tribe of Saints. No, no, no. Don't get me wrong. But it isn't the Tribe of Monsters either. Most people I know are innocents. Those that are not close their front door and cheat a little, with a movie - a book, a getaway - or clothing that's really inappropriate.

I myself, hmm, am a sad story in its own. I wish I could say my house is ready for audit, from above or those that have mistaken themselves as the representatives of above. But yes, I do stuff. I'm open minded. I listen to stories of 'brenen in gehinem' because of certain minor deeds and I think "what crap". I consider any good person a good person, regardless of observance. However, by means of learning more about cultures and ethnicities I have come to the conclusion that the Satmar society produces a high volume of good people.

The end justifies the means?

The big picture does away with the little mistakes?