60 Seconds in America

Researchers are bewildered with us. They have yet to find physical evidence to explain the strong separation between the Chassidic Community and the American world. A barbed wire fence, a brick wall, a border - some sort of mechitsa.

I find it ironic that it’s just that, a mechitsa, that brings us together with the secular world.

LADIES AND GENTELMAN, I GIVE YOU YOUR VOTING BOOTH…

Enter your voting booth and welcome to America. Where all votes are created equal. Your voice will not have a chareidish accent, wear a headgear or huge black glasses. Your vote is counted just the same as the vote of the Hispanic woman that voted before you. Just the same as the vote of Donald Trump or Rudolph Guiliani. You’re in America and you’re entitled to an opinion.

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Americans often complain that although they very much welcome newcomers, the immigrants refuse to assimilate. I second that claim. My cleaning lady has been to America for 10 years but she still didn’t get rid of the horrible hair dye, the ridiculous leggings or the huge bag. She runs up and down Lee Avenue desperate, stopping preoccupied men and women alike, begging for directions. She points to the little sheet of paper in her hands and begs “Missis, Missis. Six-Vohn-Six Harrison?”

We’re not very much different when we enter our own America on Election Day. We hog the instruction sheet we received in the mail from the local authorities, put on our reading glasses and read off our little white sheet to the machine: “ah von Hillareee, Ah vun Spitserr. Ah von Patakee. No more Patakee? Ahh. No Patakkee?! “.

Our block vote has been ineffective for a long time. The laws our representatives pass affect us in our daily lives. There is no reason to casting a blank ballot. There are many reasons to learn more before voting. To assimilate.

The first step to choosing a candidate is understanding how your representative effects you. Gay Rights, Abortion and other laws that define the American freedom do not concern us since we have our constitution, the Torah. Rather, we should focus on issues like taxes and security.

If you are earning a high income you might want to vote Republican and save on your taxes. If you are benefiting from government programs as in Foods Stamps, Medicaid or Section 8, you’d probably rather vote Democratic, as they emphasize more on the catering to the lower class Americans. Those that own businesses, or even are employed, need to find out if issues are being lobbied that might affect their line of work. We are all fairly structured people so for us more security means more peace of mind.

For some reason many vote the way they choose a rebbe. Why did they choose their Rebbe? For no good reason. Actually, for no reason at all. Still they fervently support the rebbe and all his mishigasen to a baffling extend. Not much unlike that do they political choose a party and run to vote with supposed intellect.

Well, this year when you go to vote, forget that. Enjoy your 60 seconds in America like a true American.

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Most of the candidates I’ll vote for get my nod for personal reasons. Hillary Clinton however, I have a general issue with.

I’ve never read her biography but after following her political journey closely for 10 years, I think I know it: When she was six she put on her mother’s pumps and promised herself that one day she’ll be a big star. When she was sixteen she boarded a Greyhound bus en-route to Hollywood. For some reason she got off at the wrong stop and arrived in DC. She went on to live a typical Hollywood life, with the typical Hollywood husband and the typical Hollywood daughter. With American’s infatuation with celebrities she was given a seat in the US Senate.

Throughout her six years as your senator she has done very little for you as an American, even less for you as a New Yorker and practically nothing for you as a Chassidic Jew. Unless you count the political rally she held at both Satmar headquarters.

Her agenda consists of one thing. To promote herself. To be popular and admired. Unlike Chuck Shumer, who balances being a political leader with serving New York, Hillary cares very little for the state she represents.

I vote Spencer.