Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Marriage-In-Law

Before I got married I went for some preparation classes. At my first class I learned about the fundamental structure of a Jewish Home in those words:

“Consider it a glass wall. Every so often there will be a glass wall in your home, one that no one will see but it will separate you from your spouse. It will make sure that you do not come too close to each other”.

It didn’t seem like an awful piece of furniture, especially when the teacher ended by saying that when the glass wall is not there, you and your mate can be so close, you can even play a game of rummy together.

Rummy?!!! Blink. Really? Bliiiiiink, blink. Wow!

Life as a married woman was full of surprises. One of them was the glass wall. It wasn’t half as simple as I thought. Let me tell you about that slob.

The Glass Wall is just the name for an animated ogre made of misshaped gooey glob of soft glass, the ugliest creature to ever walk the planet. It talks in a nosey thin voice with an ever present cheerful disposition. Little feet drag its tummy-dominated body all over in small quick steps. Most of all, it hates me.

It arrives into my life with or without notice, on its own whim. “Hey, hunnee” I find it sitting on the toilet tank reading a pashkaville that was retrieved from the garbage bin. He doesn’t even bother to look up. “I missed ya galfriend" he teases.

I cringe and storm off. It hops off and runs after me. “Cheer up, will ya? Life’s good, life’s really goooood.”

Ugh?

It follows me to the bedroom where I tuck myself into bed feeling miserable. I know what’s in store for me. Glass will make himself at home around here for a good few days and suffocate my personal space. I put the pillow over my head and let the mood swings bring about little sips of cries.

I feel my bed moving, and I peek out to find a sweating Glass pushing my bed farther apart from the other one. He dusts his palms off and hands me a pair of men’s washed-out socks. “Here, put this on. And close that top button of that nightgown. Sheesh. A little decency. Is that too much to ask nowadays? What’s the world come too? People have no more pride in this day and age. That’s all I see- - -okay, okay, I’m ramblin’ on…”

Just the sound of that voice makes my insides grind.

It gets lonely, talking long distance to your own husband from one pillow-planet to the other. I eat clementines while we discuss our day in the depressing way these things work. Glass sits on the night table, next to the glowing lamp, yawning away. Just when we are starting to forgive each other for an argument earlier that day, Glass perks up. “Duh, you guys are so boring. C’mon with all the mushy. Whew, gross! Can’t a guest enjoy himself? I mean, get a room!”

I roll my eyes hatefully and turn to the wall. I see rummy cards all over. There, there. A joker!

During dinner, Glass piles extra ketchup, mustard and seltzer bottles on the table. He has no table manners whatsoever. And he talks so much; I can’t put a word in edgewise.

Scrubbing away the dishes later, as I yell the chorus of Father Don't Cry in my lethal way of singing, Glass flutters his eyelashes in frustration. "He-l-l-l-p!" he holds both hands over his ears. "Have pity on me, will ya?!" And so, my music comes to a barbaric end.

When I get ready to go outside with my husband, Glass too schleps his hat on and hurls a scarf around its neck, all hyped. He walks between us, throwing me almost off the curb, going on about this and that with rolls of freezing vapor escaping his mouth.


I don’t even pretend I’ll miss him when I find him packing to leave the next day. What a relief it will be. Life, the way we knew it.

Grrrr! Change of plans. Something came up, I have no idea what, and Glass is staying for another week. At this point I'm so angry I don’t know how to let go of all that fume.

Ah! Yoelish! Good ol’ Yoelish! He can handle some of my feelings, can't he? It takes no time at all for me to be complaining to him, then about him, then with him and ultimately blowing at him in the silent way that eats me alive.

“Finally some quiet around here!” Glass lying on the carpet between our beds, sipping a beer. “This place is full of chitty-chatty, chitty-chatty” he gestures a moving-duck-face with his hand.

I get beside myself with anger when Glass visits us outside the home. Like while we’re on vacation or at a relative. Oh, the maternity ward, that makes my nostrils expand in lack of a better gesture. Just when the unborn child is about to make its debut, I notice glass curled up on one of the hospital chairs checking the channels. When the baby is born to its teary-eyed parents, Glass pushes his way in like a real grandparent. Takes the bundle from me, swings it from side to side, but forgets about it if me and my Yoelish are about to celebrate.

“Not now, you people. We’ve got this cutest baby to look at! Lookee here, doesn't the kid look just like its papa! coo. tsu, tsu...”

The day Glass leaves our home is a holiday. I walk him out the door with a beating heart, feeling newly-married all over. As I close the door, he presses his face back to the peephole:

“Ya neva, eva, know when I’ll be back, ya extra-kind hostess o’ mine! ! !” and tapping his belly he makes his way down the hall with victorious “ha, ha, has!”

I lock the door, close every bolt.


________________________________________


(Note – This post is my last one” blineder” that gets carried away with outlandish, over-the-top analogies... I couldn’t resist just this one more time...just this one time… :)


80 comments:

Chananiah Yom Tov Lipa said...

I feel like i'm reading Zoyher (lehavdil!). You write with alot of teefkeit lately. Teefeh M'shoolim. Oh, I would love to be a fly on the wall at those Kallah classes...

הק׳ חנני׳ יו״ט ליפא

It's All Good Now said...

This post gives new meaning to the term "rose" colored glasses!! But in all honesty, I think God knew what He was doing when He introduced the concept of niddah. 'Nuf said.

ex- said...

Lipa had the right words, I am just happy you didnt write it in aranmish.

Yeah, how do you come up with these meshulim?? are you married to the Divner Magid?

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Hakadash - Teefkeyt my axx!
Rabbonim like you need not become flies to be at the kallah class. You can sit there and stroke your beard...

IAGN - Do say more. Please...

Ex -What? I AM the Dibner Magid! Misholim is my thing, y'know...

senorita said...

That was flippin fantastic!! but now now dont shatter Mr Glasses ego- he does serve a mighty good purpose...

cafe_28 said...

I agree with IAGN. As difficult as the nidda days are, it definitely helps keep a marriage's passion. (Yes, Shpitzle, we need passion in our marriage.)

But maybe those 7 extra days are a bit too much...

Chananiah Yom Tov Lipa said...

You do have a talent for writing. I like your style. And I'll bet you didn't learn that at Bais Ruchel D'Satmer. I've got my whole mishpuche hooked.
Maybe I'll write a peirish on your blog one day mit kleine oisies and sell it as a kuntress.
Do you have a book deal yet?

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Seniorita and Cafe - I do agree, niddah does keep the passion between a couple afloat. But it also (for me) helps fuel misunderstandings especially after the birth of a baby.

How about the way plans can fall apart when nida laws come into play from one minute to the next, like before a yom tov or during a vacation?

Rabbini - Nah, you're too kind. (alright, I am blushing...)

Mrs. Jude said...

the extra 7 days... ah yes... that does seem to be a bit much sometimes..the whimpering from the other bed is a bit much too...lol then there is my 240 mile drive each way to the nearest uncontested kosher mikvah...
But really without niddah would the men ever really talk to us?? I dunno... The inforced talk only time does serve a purpose.. lol

the only way i know said...

I like your analogies..lol
they're great!
and- although your wall sounds like a bit of a 'meanie' :) -
you actually come across as having a very positive r/ship with your hubby!
good on ya, Shpitzle!

yingerman said...

Actually spoucy and i talk less during off days cause we spent less time alone and more time with the kiddies

Spousy has been known to invite Glass over to my moms house, as long as he didn't come home with us ;)

I have a buddy that complained to about Glass to me one day. It seems that Glass came to visit when the baby came home from the hospital and it seems like he broke an ankle or something 'cause he stayed for nearly 6 months.
Poor soul.

Y.Y. said...

if you know the niddah laws very well then its not so bad as you put it
men darf vissen vee aan in vee ois

hasid_letz said...

Passion, like many other important elements of marriage, cannot be ordered at the pharmacy. I'd dare say that a scheduled routine 'break in the action' has absolutely no effect on relationship quality. It is spontaneity and the unpredictable that have the best effect.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Mrs. Jude - 240 mile?? Is that a metaphor or do you actually travel the distance?

The Only Way - Once in a blue moon, I get the great feeling of being understood. Thanks!

Yingerman - 6 Months! Why, oh, why? It happens too often! It doesn't seem right to me. I don't think that's what the Torah intended with nida.

YY - Dee kenst yiddish?! kudos!
I know the halachas pretty well and it doesn't make it easy for me.

Letz - Realistically. Would anyone spend some time off because they've been married five years and things have become dull? I doubt it. Niddah does ideally help in that aspect, if only the rules weren't so harsh.

nuch a chosid said...

מפני מה אמרה תורה נידה לשבעה?
מפני שרגיל בה וקץ בה, אמרה תורה תהא טמאה שבעה ימים כדי שתהא חביבה על בעלה כשעת כניסתה לחופה",

תלמוד בבלי מסכת נדה דף לא עמוד ב'

And to avoid Shpitzies criticisim, I'll try to translate

"Why did the Torah say that a Nidda has to wait 7 days.
Becasue he gets used to her, and he loses interest in her, he Torah said she should be unclean for 7 days, that way she whould be beloved again on her husband as in the day they got married.

Mrs. Jude said...

no analogy... 240 miles each way for real...
I actually think the 7 days is good..most the time. lol
G-d knows what He is doing..

Frummer????? said...

Amazing post and brilliantly put!

It's a shame however, that you only managed to portray the tough and difficult side of it.

You have to accept that the separation can be a magic potion which spices up and infuses new life into married life tremendously. Who knows how many marriages would be in difficulty were it not for that recurring injection of "longing for each other". I accept that one of the reasons for the low divorce rate in our community compared to society in general is that divorce is looked down upon in our community. But there are other reasons for this too, one of which is the fact that adultery, which is a common factor in the ending of "goyshe" marriages, does not occur very often. Notwithstanding the fact that this is mostly so because of our separation of men and women, I'd hazard a guess that if one is fully satisfied at home, i.e. if it hasn't become "boring" there's no need to go looking elsewhere. This applies to both the husband and the wife as well.

True, "the painters" do sometimes pop in at the most inopportune moments, but hey, no pain, no gain.

Chananiah Yom Tov Lipa said...

Glass?! I thought it was Aunt Flo.
(That's Meemeh Flo in Willy.)
My chussen teacher said the way a husband acts toward his wife, is what separates the men from the boys. It's not easy showing affection when you can't even pass the car keys.

הק׳ חנני׳ יו״ט ליפא

Chaya said...

I'm glad you said bli neder at the end. I love your 'outlandish' analogies. Keep getting carried away!
I agree with Mrs. Jude....G-d knows what he's doing...even though it's not always easy to see it.

JewishBiFemme said...

Ying, six months? She really was a niddah or faking it? A couple going on six month without sex means they are not even sexually interested in each other..They would rather pleasure themselves or with someone else... I can hardly go without 6 hours let alone 6 months? I find it hard to believe....

Yes, G-d is good cause by the time I am a niddah I am so sexually exhausted that I really need a break so my body could relax....Sometimes during niddah the lesbian side kicks in not only by me but by many frum women I know...Maybe its just those with high sex drives.

Niddah is a beautiful law. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world..Its like a brand new relationship. I love all the sexual tension built up during niddah...

The older I get the more I learn that most communities are not that extreme like us..I.E 1) Not giving over things to each other 2) The white linen 3) Dating or going out for fun while niddah 4) No bedikah like every second they just do one on the first and last day..ETC...

Hasid Lets, If things get boring between a couple you just change position, location or actions..
On mikvah night after 14 days of being a niddah some women prefer to be pushed against the wall, cloths ripped off, make love feel the energy, passion etc. unlike make it as a scheduled routine go to the mikvah, the husband goes to go daven. put the baby to sleep and be ready in bed waiting for him to come stroke the woman's hair slowwwlllly BORING!!!

Why am I talking sex? Whatever..

Nice post! Your analogies can wake up the dead or make the dummy with a pea brain feel educated...As long as they are not yunchy or boring...Your Yoelish is a lucky man for having you in his life..I bet you educate him in all the right ways....

Very entertaining....May I say very addictive......

hasid_letz said...

Shpitzle,

"Realistically. Would anyone spend some time off because they've been married five years and things have become dull?"

I'm astonished. Are you saying that people that do not keep taharat hamishpacha do not have ups and downs in their marriages that lead them to take intended and unintended breaks? My point is that anything that occurs routinely on a monthly basis cannot be counted on to "ignite sparks," unless, of course, you have a very primitive and carnal definition of the term sparks.


Frummer,

"Who knows how many marriages would be in difficulty were it not for that recurring injection of "longing for each other"."


On balance, can you say definitively that this is a positive?

exsemgirl said...

Brilliant post!!

Nidda is one of those laws that had to be thought of by G-d cause otherwise no living creature could keep it!!

But the benefits are worthwhile though as with most things it is impossible to think of those when you have yet another seven days to wait...

Chananiah Yom Tov Lipa said...

Do Chassidishe vaaber keep the harchukes with all fremde mener? or only with hubby?

Great post. Especially appropriate for Shovevim...Leave it to Shpitz tzi leiben mit de tsaat...

הק׳ חנני׳ יו״ט ליפא

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Nuch A Chossid – Wow, here I had no idea how romantic the Torah is. With all you men studying it, it couldn’t mentchle you out?



Madam Jude – Why, why, oh why?? Isn’t there a mikvah as often as there is a fast food store?

7 days is nice. Add 5, a little less nice. Add 3, not nice anymore. Add 2, awful!



Frummer!!!! I absolutely agree with you. Although nidda is very hard, it’s beneficial to a marriage in many ways, and when the wait is over, it was worth it. I can’t see a marriage survive for a lifetime without niddah.

However, all the staining and post-partum separation is NOT NECESSARY. Like many halachas, this one too doesn’t know when and where to stop. Not being able to be there for your wife during her delivery is not beneficial. (maybe for the men waiting outside or looking out the window it is, but for us Chavas – it is NOT.)



Rabbini Yeah well, many men find it not easy to show affection even when you can pass the car keys…



Chaya Welcome back, dear! Thanks for letting me go nuts.



JBF! Some people do wait four months or more NOT willingly! What can you do? You stain, you stain. Breastfeeding upsets the cycle for some and there – you can become a nun if you like.

I was taught that nidda rules are observed by “EVERYONE JEWISH” it’s taharas hamishpacha! I always wondered how these people do it. I guess they don’t change linen every day and put the money down on the sidewalk if the wife needs something outside. Oh – it is too extreme!

Also, a scheduled date night is recommended by secular specialists too, especially when we have kids. There is no law against spontaneity the next day….



Letz I can only talk of personal experience for I know nothing else. But I do know that if a blessed period of time comes along, even if things get dull, we would not take a break. Are you sure you are not confusing a break with ‘separation’?

As I mentioned, many non-jewish couples adhere to strict routines as a means to keep their romance sparkling.

I think the problem with nida is not the 2 weeks separation; it’s the fact that for some it’s once in a year while others practically pay rent to the mikvah. The latter extend does really harm a relationship.



Exsemgirl Welcome… and thanks. You’re right. But I often wonder why god couldn’t create a world where sexual value goes up with time, instead of down. Why does new have to tempt more if we’re meant to live happily-ever-after?

Mrs. Jude said...

I live in outer galus.. There are only Two mikvahs in the whole state. Plus, one other that is closer, but it is halachicly questionable...no orthodox rabbi has approved it.

It's All Good Now said...

Shpitzle, can you imagine your husband having access to your body all the time? Yes, we can't make plans too far in advance, but then again, maybe it's a subtle lesson in reinforcing the concept of biyas hamoshiach. I know, it's far fetched, even to myself as I'm typing this. But seriously, I like the "down" time a lot for many reasons, including but not limited to - I'm not always in the mood of physical intimacy even when it's allowed, imagine if I hadto zoog oop my husband more often than I already do? Also, it strengthens our relationship when physical contact can't be used to smooth over disagreements or points of contention. Need I go on?

Anonymous said...

Amazing, it goes to show that the grass on the outher side is not greener. We all have the Niyonos. However as a Satmar grauate, I think that it is way more harder for us then the rest of Klal Yisroel.

Ps Don't stop writing in your unique way, your talants reflect your most inner thoughts.
frumcuple@yahoo.com

Chananiah Yom Tov Lipa said...

Nisht Rabbini, Rab-tzvai!
What is going to happen to also those corny altehaim jokes?

Hoezentragerin said...

" the husband goes to go daven. put the baby to sleep and be ready in bed waiting for him to come stroke the woman's hair...

JBF

Most chasidishe women don't even have their hair left to stroke :)


IAGN
Kodus to you far saying what I believe most of us women are secretly thinking, but dare not say.

Hoezentragerin said...

" I accept that one of the reasons for the low divorce rate in our community compared to society in general is that divorce is looked down upon in our community. But there are other reasons for this too, one of which is the fact that adultery, which is a common factor in the ending of "goyshe" marriages, does not occur very often."


Frummer, I wonder why the strippers and hookers claim that their chasidishe cliental is growing and booming.


Regarding our lower divorce rate, I wouldn't say that stigma is even the cardinal factor here. Most women are financially dependent and stuck with half a dozen kids by the time they've patronized every marriage counselor in the phone book.


To credit nidda for our low divorce rate might be creative and original, but nevertheless, nonsensical.

JewishBiFemme said...

You always have answers shpitzle huh?? You amaze me!!

Well, I never breasted (a child that is lol)or stained I guess some women have more luck regarding the stain/niddah issues....

Oh come on! Are you saying you're jealous at those who go to the mikvah once a year? Give me a break that one time they go they get pregnant that means not interested in sex having the baby and then staining etc.. That is sad...LMAO @ nun...Watch what you ask for nuns are notorious for doing the dirty deed with each other..

"a scheduled date night is recommended by secular specialists too,"

I guess you listen to Dr. Joy B. Who needs secular specialists? Don't you wanna date/fun on your own for your own sanity? Please don't tell me that you consider going to the mikvah a "date"..

IANG, Its sad that most women feel like that when there is hardly two weeks out of the month to make love. Well, that's life> low drive or what not...I still don't get it.

Hoez, my "dear", friend LMAO!

Well, if they got no hair on their head to stroke then I guess they will have to someplace else...

This is a pg rated blog you get my drift....

Lady Delish said...

You are hysterical! What a sense of humor!

Tichel said...

Brilliant post. I love your analogies.

kjrebbetzin said...

The laws of niddah does keep a marriage a bit more exciting. What makes it exciting is the lust towards the forbidden.once the glass goes, the lust goes with it. Breaking the glass would be exciting. Shattering it to tiny pieces just once would add real sparkle.

kjrebbetzin said...

laws of niddah DO. My mistake

machne rav tov said...

Your posts are addictive. Great writing style, Shpitzele!

Semgirl said...

This was so hysterical..You really should write professionally Shpitz..

It's All Good Now said...

Shpitzle, it's been said that women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex. I think women need intimacy and loving more than they need sex, and men equate intimacy with sex. And therein lies one of the major issues in any marriage, even marriages not governed by the laws of "family purity".

Frummer????? said...

Shpitzle:

"Like many halachas, this one too doesn’t know when and where to stop. Not being able to be there for your wife during her delivery is not beneficial."

That's a tough part to explain. Firstly, some hubbys are present during the birth (dare we go down this road? We're not in public, so I guess anything goes!)

But seriously for a mo, the reasoning behind that, is so as not to put the male in a position where he can "fall prey to temptation". That said, I too don't quite understand quite why "falling prey to temptation" is such a terrible sin, (yet it's not even mentioned in the Torah), nor do I particularly find my wife giving birth a tempting moment either. but that's the reasoning behind it. I'd say that to a individual who does appreciate the reasoning behind the emphasis on personal kedusha (men only here), the separation after birth makes perfect sense.

Compare it to the way one would keep away from an infectious patient (no I don't mean it literally so please don't jump on me for implying that women in their "off times" are carrying a contagious disease!).

"It's not easy showing affection when you can't even pass the car keys."

The idea is that then you have to really work to show one's affection. Then it comes directly from the heart, without being pushed along by lust.

HT:

I said that there are "other reasons" too for our low divorce rate. True, fidelity is but one of them, but it forms part of a larger package.

Re hookers etc, if that highly unsubstantiated claim is true, I'd put it down to chassidish men being exposed (unintended pun)to more than their wives, thanks to the net, and wanting more than their innocent partners are able or even willing to give them.

I've long been of the opinion that the genie has been let out of the bottle and that the days of teaching women "to blossom like a rose" are over and done with. Times and methods are changing, but many chosson/kalloh teachers still teach that way.

But that's an entirely different subject, one we did ages ago back on Shlomi Glick's blog. Remember that one!!!!! Another one of the "has beens!"

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Chananya Yom Tov Lipa… (how the hell should I call you with this name?) Your faith in me is encouraging. We need more rebbes like you!

(I don’t get the altaheim joke. Help!)



Mrs. Jude – Unbelievable! And here I thought I had a right to complain! What do you do, do you drive yourself down there or does your husband come along? Can’t you just go to the nearest lake and get over with it…?



IA GN – Physical communication involves a lot more than just sexual communication. Sitting next to each other, holding hands or hugging are really not sexual but important parts of communication. There is nothing wrong with resolving a disagreement with a hug. While I think it’s not so bad to be two weeks apart sexually, the harchakas really involve a lot more separation.

But you really echo the sentiment I’ve heard of a lot of friends before. My question to you is, why can’t a woman just say no? Do we need halacha to do it for us?



Frumcuple – The grass IS greener on the other side (gan eden). We’ll have schar to no end… (or will we?)…



Hoezentragerin – You’re underestimating how roemantik the chassidishe men are. They can just stroke the turban… softly… with the soft fabric…

And where do you take that stripper fact from? (Naïve alert, naïve alert!!)



JBF – Dr. Brown? Nah. I listen to Laura Schlessinger! Or is she still on?

Yes, I know what you mean. Many women appreciate being pregnant because of the treat it comes with.

More children please!



Lady Delish – Welcome and thanks!



Tichel – There, there, my imagination is dancing a jig…



KJ Rebbetzin – Ah… You’re good! I know what you mean…



Machana Rav Tov – Now you? This community ROCKS! Half Satmar is online!



Semgirl – Yeah, sure! Lol!!



IAGN – Good point. But I don’t think family purity achieves that really. I don’t think it makes a distinction between love and sex, it makes a distinction between platonic and romantic, no?

Ex said...

I wonder why the strippers and hookers claim that their chasidishe cliental is growing and booming." Are you sure?? lol

Mrs. Jude said...

I drive myself. In the winter I go up and back in the same evening. In the summer I get a hotel or stay with family.
I tried the ocean/lakes here but they are about 50 degrees and it is usually raining and mid 30's here....Too cold for sure. Plus the ocean is pretty violent here so it isn't safe.
So every month I drive...
Usually, if the weather is ok, I just turn up the cd music and enjoy the drive..

David_on_the_Lake said...

You write damn well...y'know?

Chananiah Yom Tov Lipa said...

Yoelish: How many potatoes in the chulent this week?
Shpitz: Ich Rab eine.
Yoelish: NEIN! RAB TZVEI!
(Pathetic is an understatement.)

On the Taharas Hamishpuche topic, obviously it is quite hard at times, but it is the wisest system I have heard of (when learned accurately). You learn to appreciate every action between a couple, and even something as mundane as passing keys or pouring a drink become affectionate during ymai taharah.
A klige yungeman should learn the sfurim hakedoishim and see what is chumreh and what is din in marriage. And chose between a satisfied wife/marriage and a chumreh...hmmmmm
Shitas Or Zarua?
Before Chatzos?
Daytime?

Especially in Ameritchke we must be lenient and make sure couples get what they want in the bedroom otherwise they will look elsewhere R"L.

,הכו״ח למען התורה ולמען טהרת ישראל
הק׳ חנני׳ יו״ט ליפא

kasamba said...

You spell out your frustration very creatively!

Hoezentragerin said...

"I said that there are "other reasons" too for our low divorce rate. True, fidelity is but one of them, but it forms part of a larger package."

Frummer, though I think you are a tad bit naive, I wasn't arguing with that point. What I find perposterious is the correlations you make between tares hamishpoche, fidelity, and our low divorce rate.

"And where do you take that stripper fact from? (Naïve alert, naïve alert!!)"

Shpiz,

I suspect that some of the guys on this blog are qualified enough to give you the inside scoop. They dare not however, for obvious reasons ;)

Anonymous said...

Shpitzle: I'm not sure if you ynderstood my cooment well. I meant to say
, that i'm glad to see that the grass isn't greener on the other side-meaning i see you have the same Nisyonos during Glass time. I thought that its onlt hard for us (me and spousy) during Niddah, now I see that other people have a hard time too. As for your response about the other green side Gan Eden I'm know....but it still is hard. You faild to respond to my other comment I wrote that I think its harder to keep all these Harchokos for a Satmar family, V's the rest of Klal Yisroel. Please comment. Thank you Frumcouple@yahoo.com

Know your facts... said...

Frummer and Shpitzle: I don't know what you call "well-substantiated". But any NY hooker or stripper will tell you they get a large number of chasidim. I happen to know that for a fact. It doesn't mean all chasidim go to hookers. They're just in greater proportion. And it has nothing to do with the net. Chasidim in Williamsburg used to pick up hookers next to the BQE for decades, until Guiliani cracked down. And chasidim have been getting dumb hookers in Hunts Point pregnant way before computers or Internet.

kjrebbetzin said...

It only makes sense that hookers get more and more chassidishe clients given the population growth of chassidim. And the history of tidden with hookers goes back a long time before the net. Isn't there a story of Yeheeda ben yankov going with a hooker? I'm not sure it was Yeheeda or somone else since I never learned chimish.

JewishBiFemme said...

Holy mother of ***

Everyone is going on and on why not me?

A name like Chananiah Yom Tov Lipa on a blog? He must be fighting with the devil in his grave right now... ALL the satmars coming out of the closet....Boy I feel so connected to y'all LMAO!!!!

Shpitz, You are way to open minded very worldly educated I find it hard to believe..Its too unreal, unimaginable.You make me laugh so hard my head hurts by the time IM done...

I will sponsor you when you decide to do your comedy club thing..Ive heard of manly men letzanem but a comedic shpitzle femme? HELL NO!! Im lovin it....

BTW what's up with the ghetto speech? Ya neva eva? Galfriend? HAHAHA You live in the projects? Or you watch big frum mamas house?

As for strippers I can vouch for the chasidisha zombie looking,horny lost souls yinglech who come with their tzizes dangling for protection..How dare they steal my stripper girl from me? I hate sharing..The problem aint their frum looks they stink from sex they just had moments ago with their innocent virgin just out of the box secretary or cleaning lady...How degrading to pay for sex...Uhh with section 8 money!!

Before you kick me to the curb for commenting again I want to thank you for the laughs..God your good..
Sorry I could'nt resist.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Mrs. Jude – I can’t believe what you go through and with what chayshik hamitsvah! I would not be able to go through that. I’d tell my husband, either you bring me a portable mikvah or I’m going to the mens!

Davidlake – Thanks… coming from you!

Ch”YL – I’m not sure if you realized, but if you rahb two potatoes into your chullent you’ll get, um, chullent!

As for men choosing which harchookes to keep, that’s something that cannot work out. You can’t just disregard what you teach (in most cases). The rebbes have to teach it right in the first place.
Uber vus ken men teen, seshteyt in shilchon aruch!

Kasamba – Hey, thanks!!

Anon – While I love to publish all comments, I think we should try to keep the blog a little more to the PG13 side.

Frumcouple – It seems not everyone finds niddah hard. I sure do. Guess you do too, hu?
The reason I couldn’t answer on the other topic is because I don’t know which other side you are referring to. There are many levels of yiddishkeit, us Satmars being the most extreme (Maybe we should let skver sit on top?). The more extreme, the harder it is. I mean, c’mon, the Torah gives us niddah but we take upon ourselves hundreds of other rules.

JBF! – Your comments are a feast! I swap my ego out 'n I read your comment six times, till I’m so inflated with pride my turban pops off! Thanks girl!
An wy zeh way, bein’ a yo-ho-man-wazzup kyn pirswun is not my owly ahssent!

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Frummer – You do realize that “hard to explain” defines into “I’ll give you an answer I don’t agree with either”, right? I mean, c’mon, tempted at time of birth? Can a woman be less attractive than when she’s forty pounds overweight and, well…
I do however agree with you on the point that the idea of niddah usually helps a marriage survive IF the marriage is a right one in the first place. If a couple doesn’t mesh from day one, no amount of niddah will ignite sparks. And that we start with the huge problem. With the awful shiddichum format in our society what are the odds that the couple find each other attractive in the first place.

Shlomi Glick? Where, oh where, have I been???

Hoezen, Facts – The answer is, we don’t know. We don’t know what the percentage is. People hide too much for anyone to walk around with facts. I can just say from general observation, in this world of lies, that it doesn’t register to be true. And how many clients do the hookers have to have for them to say they have tons of Chassidim, like four percent?


Rebbetzin - Good point...

Mrs. Jude said...

Oh yea. he hears about it... lol!

nuch a chosid said...

I've been married a nice cuple o'years b"h, but the "Mr. Glass" was a hit the momant my wife read this post, not that chutzpenyak occupies half my house as well, I am not scraed of him, I was told how to screaaaaaaaaam "SHEIGETZ AROIS"

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

FC - I do not email with bloggers :( as a VERY strict rule. You can leave me a comment and ask that I not publish it. :(

Frummer????? said...

"Can a woman be less attractive than when she’s forty pounds overweight"

Actually, many men find pregnant women rather alluring, not while they are actually giving birth though!

"If a couple doesn’t mesh from day one, no amount of niddah will ignite sparks"

True, but at least their hunger is increased, which probably leads to them being a little more civil to each other - sometimes. No?

"what are the odds that the couple find each other attractive in the first place."

That old chestnut again! BH things worked out great for me, I got both what I wanted and needed, but I often wonder how others manage with the partners their parents chose for them.

In the old days, when when boys and girls were only told about sex the day they got married, when an individual's only exposure to sex was though his teacher, who says they would want all that much more? Nowadays, when they all know more than they are expected to, if the picture they have painted in their minds doesn't come into view, their eye begins roving and their frustrations start to build. (Yes, it's probably usually the husband)

The full on Chassidish shidduch might have worked years ago, but it is clearly no longer appropriate for the more open minded girls and boys of today.

HT:

"What I find perposterious is the correlations you make between tares hamishpoche, fidelity, and our low divorce rate."

If you won't agree that a good sex life is one of the keys to keeping a marriage together - to keep both partners in love with each other, then we shall have to agree to disagree.

It's All Good Now said...

Shpitzle, in its most ideal form, it helps show that there is love even without the sex. As for your question regarding women's ability to say no - of course we CAN, but according to what I learned, women are not supposed to say no. I don't know the exact reason, but I would assume that it's because her denial might make him spill his seed (i.e. wet dream, etc..) Also, I think most men would think of a NO as more than just a rejection of sex. It shouldn't be that way, I know, but zeh mah she'yesh. It's taken my husband a long time, but he's finally gotten to the point where he realizes that when I say no to sex, I am not saying no to him, and when we sleep in the same bed, it's all about sleeping and it does not have to lead to sex each and every time.

hasid_letz said...

"things get dull."

Shpitzle, this is a recurring theme in your responses.

I just don't understand why one needs an enforced separation for half a month to counter the potential of things getting dull in this department any more than one needs similar measures to make sure one does not get bored of eating, say, tuna sandwiches.

Using JBF's analogy, one would eat it with and without lettuce, tomato and onion. White tuna, dark tuna, on a roll, on wholewheat bread, toasted or not. And when the imagination runs dry, one would simply not eat tuna for a few days, and things will be back to normal in the tuna love department.

You can make the best of anything, including niddah laws--you can even use them to help with your marriage. Just don't assume that this is the only way and that the alternative is doomed for boredom.

Letz

Chananiah Yom Tov Lipa said...

ס׳איז שוין צײט אנצוטאן די װײסע שטרימפף און די ראזװילקע

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Great post but I do agree that Niddah does help the marriage if when not niddah the right stuff is done.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Anon - Great point! Think I should write a post on this topic?



Frummer?? - Oh, c'mon. No amount of sheltering can cover up a bad match to make it look like love. While I don't care to go down the road of our history, where lack of love also led to infidelity, I do agree that being sheltered keeps a marriage together. I DO NOT see the use of marriage without love.



It's All Good Now - I see what you're saying and I also know about not being allowed to say no. Not only are women not allowed to say no, but they're also not allowed to ask. On the point of men learning the definition of a marriage beyond sex, it is a HUGE problem. Last I checked chossonim didn't have the slightest idea that the institution they're in for needs to lead to love. Men are just not properly prepared.



Ex - Gotchya. Soon's I have a few minutes I should de-yukify the blog. Have any subject in mind?



Letz o Letz - Not that I want to go in circles (I am, aren't I?), but for the sake of the analogy I think that once you are bored of Tuna altogether chances are that you will move over to egg rather than just putting the tuna on hold... Who doesn't want to eat at all?
You gotta ocus on keeping the tuna iteresting at all times...

Besides, according to the halacha all those things you put in your sandwich are not allowed!

Hoezentragerin said...

"If you won't agree that a good sex life is one of the keys to keeping a marriage together - to keep both partners in love with each other, then we shall have to agree to disagree."

Frummer, please don't put words into my mouth. I never said *that*.
I trust you understand what I *was* saying.

hasid_letz said...

"Besides, according to the halacha all those things you put in your sandwich are not allowed!"

Now you're saying that we need the breaks because the torah allows just dark tuna, with no seasoning, and only occasional bread? That's more like saying that we need another restriction to fix the damage inflicetd by the first few. I say, "don't break it and don't fix it."

Letz

Camper said...

OK, w/ machne rav tov, shpitzle, and chananiah yom tov lipa, i feel like cheering myself hoarse here..

Is this night activity in the 'niya gebentchta shpilhouse"? :D

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Chanaya Yom Tov - Seiz tseyt es oistseeteen...

SW/FM - I agree!

Letz - Hey, hey hey, I did NOT draw a line between the two. One wrong never made one right, and the fact that some halachas are troublesome, doesn't say anything about the other ones...

SG - I had a good laugh!! Thanks for the comment...

Anonymous said...

[It's All Good Now - I see what you're saying and I also know about not being allowed to say no. Not only are women not allowed to say no, but they're also not allowed to ask. On the point of men learning the definition of a marriage beyond sex, it is a HUGE problem. Last I checked chossonim didn't have the slightest idea that the institution they're in for needs to lead to love. Men are just not properly prepared.]

Oy, how wrong. All of it. It just shows how 'farkristelt' we have become in our attitudes towards sex and intimacy.

Conjugal rights in a marriage do work both ways, true. If a woman consistently refuses her husband sex for no apparent reason she is a mordes and may be divorced without kesubah. BUT, the mitzvah min hatorah is Onah, for a husband to keep his wife sexually satisfied, not vice versa. If a woman doesn't want, she can, and should say NO. She has no obligation to partake in anything against her will. The lesser prohibition on spilling seed seems to have overtaken the larger picture here (like many other things in chassidus nowadays...). Sforim/halachah says that a union that wasn't whole-hearted will not result in good children, so what's the point in the woman acqueiscing against her will? It's like moving two steps backwards to one forward.

As far as women asking, it does say that it is not tznua for a woman to ask outright, but if she dresses, acts, or speaks seductively to arouse her husband to have sex with her, the union will result in beautiful, blessed offspring and it is the highest level of love and intimacy possible.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Anon - I was not endorsing the halacha, quoting a verse or making it up. I was simply referring to the Torah as we, chassidim, know it must be observed. Before marriage I was told that if I say no he can divorce me. While I do not hold by it, and appreciate the fact that others practice more logically, for Chassidim there is only *one* right way; the way you were taught.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Camper! Oy... Only the Satmar will ever know about the wild days in camp! Only the Satmar!

How blessed I am (Tsee zayn a chaylik fin machnah rav tov....la la la la la)!

the_laamb said...

amazing post!

I myself am newly married and we find it so difficult during those times but in the long run its worth it.

Chananiah Yom Tov Lipa said...

If anyone needs one I know of an amazing Chussen teacher (Litvish/Yeshivish). I'm sure he would do refresher courses. The things I heard him say in the name different Rabbunim blew me away (obviously not written in any sefer). But he has the sfurim and mokoires to back it all up, and he knows the science of it all too. A good man.

Chananiah Yom Tov Lipa said...

Shpitz, "for Chassidim there is only *one* right way; the way you were taught."
that is the single biggest problem with chassidis as a whole. It breeds intolerance and xenophobia.(Gee, I never thought I'd ever get to use that word!)
To quote the great Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?"
Can't do that, HydePark and all the Mikveh Nayes will be outta business.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

S - Can you write to me more about that? I'm getting a very faint idea...

Independent Frum Thinker said...

I'm chiming in quite late, so all I will say is that overall the Nidah experience is healthy for the marriage.

Yukel said...

This blog has become the new Bas Torah blog, does anyone still remember that blog? This time around we have a rebitzin with a shpitzle.

I always noticed people standing next to the BQE, I thought that they need a hitch to Monroe I never thought that they are hookers.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Yukel - My blog is NOT headed in that direction.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
janitor said...

lets talk about the
'ingarishers' http://www.ungaren.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

You haven't posted in almost a week. You can't do this to us, we are thirsty for more Shpitzle!

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Frum Couple - I did, I sure did. I just couldn't answer. Most of the questions require specific answers that can give me away :(. As for keeping it from our spouses, I don't, but we have lots of differences that are troubling. I'll write a post about that soon.

Anonymous said...

Shpitz- looking forward to that post. It'd be lovely to hear you theorize on it, and why, as couples, we sometimes polarize that way.