Saturday, October 28, 2006

No Women Allowed

The average Joe comes home from work, takes off his construction hat or loosens his tie, and falls into the couch where he flips the channel and catches the game.

The average Joel comes home from work, drops his tefillin and hat in a place that makes the wife cringe, eats dinner while asking the kids the sedra and then escapes to shul for two hours.

Two hours!

Two hours every evening, and two hours every early morning. That’s without putting Shabbos into the cheshbon.

As an unmarried girl, my calendar did not include any Shabbos mornings. There’d be Friday night with lots of food and socializing with friends, and then a circle of sleep until the men would come home from shul. I’d roll out of bed and serve the morning suda while stealing from everyone’s slice challah.

Becoming a mother brought with itself the ‘wonderful’ time of Shabbos morning. The kids are up at eight AM, and after a half hour of shushing them you gotta get your pack of bones out from under the covers. Then I’d spend 3 hours with a rumbling stomach waiting for the Yoelish to get home.

Three hours!

When he gets home he has no big social scandals or zaftig shmooz’n to relate to me. It’s simply shul, where you daven and learn. What’s to relate?

I can’t explain it to him, but having your husband spend more than half his non-work life at shul makes me really wonder about it. I’ve been to the veiber shul, popped one eye through the tiny hole but came out none the wiser. It was just black on black vibration.

I need a one day pass to check the place out.

I’m sure there are ‘kipkes’ men talking about things I’d stop and listen in, people from out of town I’d be obliged to stare at, bummes that spend all their time smoking out the window, or those that I’d watch from the corner of my eye taking a bedika to the dayin. I’d spend two hours soaking up all the pubic hair in the mikvah of course, then enjoy the showers that are supposedly warm and dry my face while making my way to the kaveh shtible. I’d sip my coffee while interacting with people Yoilish never mentioned he knows, then do what’s customary and drink another dose of caffiene. I’d spend some time learning and davening, and watch guys zoom messages to god through their cell phone.

The next day I’d spend telling Yoelish all about my day at shul.

Can anybody make the guy talk?


Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

IMPORTANT NOTE: the commenting area was designed for you to post your opinions and thoughts related to the post. Interesting and diverse opinions are very welcome.
Comments that are not related to the post, are of inappropriate language, or a chillul hashem will be deleted. I also reserve the right to delete posts that have personal attacks in them.

See? You live and learn…

Y.Y. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Y.Y. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
heimishinbrooklyn said...

I'm lauging. It's so true. But I demand even the most uninteresting story or news from my husband. I too tell him everything our child said or did (Even if he doesn't wanna know) while he was away 'learning' or 'davening' or shmoozing...

Anonymous said...

you call people who smoke bummes? you are such a willi neb.

why are you interested in someone elses badikah?

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Anon: you put it the wrong way. Those that smoke might be the bum, not BECAUSE of smoking.

BTW smoking is very hazardous for the health. A man pays a big price for a cool look.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Just a note to YY, I know that you really struggle with expressing yourself and hide your message in a lot of cursing. Find a proper way to say it and its very welcome.

Anonymous said...

great start
How about cleaning up your last post too Shpizel?

nuch a chosid said...

It's funny the way you describe your shabbos, what i can't understand is, aren't the seudehs-meals the mose beautiful relaxing times of the week.

Doesnt yoilish know how to sing, or tell a nice story?

If he is too lazy to inspire and live up his own shabbos with his family, stick up for yourself, make him perfrom.

Have him sing nice Zemirohs, and all the beautiful songs you both know, sing along too.

Have him tell to you a nice story of a tzadik, he can steal it fron his favorite frum newspaer they all got one.

Shul time, is when you can get a nap, or just sit and relax, read, nosh, daven, say tilim.

Or stand by the window and watch whats happening on the street.

p.s. Was the shpitzel forced on you, at that tie of the indian hair wig craze??

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Nuch a choosid -
The shabbos meals that didn't mean anything to me where when I was still in my father's home. Read again.
I am a chassid, and for all I do that embarrasses this title, we do really prava a shabbas sueda the Baal Shem Tov style. We do lots of singing, eating, and talking. Just like you put it.

No, the shpitzle was not forced onto me at the time of the Indian Scandal as my husband doesn't force things onto me. I wear the headgear because my family does.

PS Without ignoring who I am, where I come from and my natural inclinations - a smart guy like you is risky business...

nuch a chosid said...

Good, glad that your shabbos meals are beautiful the way thet sould be.

So it's not your husband who forced into on you, but your family-sociaty-etc or are you happy with it.

want to eloberate on that PS as a chossid my english is not so well, so i need more explanation ;)

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

What makes the nisoyin so hard for me is not so much the fact that its not completely pretty but rather that I feel it is pointless. Wearing a typical sheitle and hat can be very tsnuis if done modestly.
Don't mistaken. I'm not one of those people that embarrass the shpitzle by dressing boldly. I always look simple, stylish and in the blend. I can continue to do so without such radical head gear.

But kibid av is also a mitzvah.

PS I'm just saying that with all the freedom blogger gives us we got to set our own gender boundaries.

Anonymous said...

you call a wig radical head gear?

dressing boldly doesnt embarrass anything no matter what you wear.

heimishinbrooklyn said...

Shpitz, You havea point but I took it one step lower than my mother ( w/ tights or headgear; won't say exactly what) and I'm always thinking what if my children take it one step less than me? What will the grandkids look like? It is sort of our responsibility. Maybe I shouldn't talk since I already did it.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

No, I call a shpitzle radical.

Dressing boldly outdoors embarrasses your people, as outsiders tend to judge many by one.
Boldly is the opposite of modestly. Modesty is the pride of the jewish woman.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

heimishinbrooklyn: children don't take it a step lower depending if you did or didn't take it a step lower. A good upbringing that instills in them a love for torah and your lifestyle is enough for them to appreciate your levish.
It's all in the chinuch. Wear what you feel is tsnuis and be a good mother.

vaibel said...

I really think I would never been able to wear a spitzel and I give credit to those who do
but one can really try their best to look good with a spitzel too, like wear jewelery, match the tichel to the outfit etc
I also think it makes a difference where one lives, like where I grew up there was only one and I repeat 1 person with a spitzel !!! this lady will go straight to gan eden ( oops sorry she is already nebech in yener velt, passed at age 38) as everyone always stared at it, but in for egsample monroe to wear a spitzel is not such a big deal, as oposed to in boro park its a bit harder
so it all depends who your friends are and what they are wearing !!
but I still think you will get alot of credit for it!

nuch a chosid said...

I got that PS the first time, i was just kidding, and enjoying it, thnks (blush)

Why is dressing simple the opposite of bold, you could go a little more.. like strecth it to the edge,

I heard that many shpitzels own a custom sheitel that they dress at home, is that true, do you own one

your previous post on the topic Yiddish cheim ws an importent topic, that didnt get discussed well becasue of the trolling in the comments, it needs to be brought up again

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Vaibel, well, where I come from the social pressure on 'changing' the levish is worst than that of wearing it.
It’s true, we can still look good. I have mastered the talent of binding it nicely and bringing out the right colors. But dressing up every day in the Royal Crown of a shpitzel is very hard.

Nuch a choosid: @#$#%$%#!!!

I really appreciate that you get my point in yiddish chain. I hope to bring up the subject again and give this community another chance at talking openly about an important issue.

What I do at home is nothing I'm gonna share but no, I don't observe Purim the whole year.
Don't worry- I don't wear the floatation device at home either.

Anonymous said...

Shpitzle, believe me when I tell you that you are better off NOT knowing what actually goes on behind the scantified doors of the menner shul.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

I can handle the truth.
What you got?

Anonymous said...

The truth is, most men go to shul to daven, but also for their socializing. Most women don't mind sacrificing their husband's absence because they view it as part of the price one pays for being a religious Jew. Imagine if women knew how much of the absenteeism is due to socializing and not for praying/learning? Wouldn't we resent their lack of helping out at home if we knew that only 1 out of the 3 hour absence is really spent fulfilling Judaic obligations? And wouldn't we hold them more accountable for the excess time?

nuch a chosid said...

it's all good
thats not fair, you are leaking out the secret from 'cheder' to the other side of the mechitza

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Its all good now: none of this is news to me. It's not easy when Yoelish isn't home, but I can't deny him some airing out with his social circle. It's just a pity that other women can't handle the facts.

Nuch a choosid: You're a bad, bad boy! You gotta be honest, y'know. No toying with the veiber shul.

Anonymous said...

NAC, keynmool kahn ergers. Vehn m'klapt meech oyf deym, halt eech bahm soyf. Unless they start with the small stuff.

Shpitzle, far be it from me to attempt to enlighten you. Girl, you've got the routine down pat. I, too, fargin my husband his "airing out" time, no matter where it takes place. Why? Not only because it's healthy, but because he makes no attempt to hide what really goes on. He's comfortable in his own skin and gives me no reason to doubt him.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

That's probably the underlying problem of our society. We are so used to hearing 'no' to everything that we start to hide facts to avoid even asking. The first step to a happy marriage is probably coming to terms that we're both human, we all can admit some sins, and we can be okay with a spouse that's not a perfect tsadik.

Anonymous said...

Ich tahneh shoyn lang that we ought to pay very close attention to the story of Adam and Chava, and its underlying lesson of "Kol Hamosif Goreyah" (those who add, end up detracting). I think it's vital to the continuity of the chassidishe velt, that the schools start teaching the girls the difference between halachah and minhag, between din and chumrah. This problem is more prevalant by girls than by boys, not that boys don't have their own set of mishigahssen. But I find that so many girls become disillusioned when they leave school, because they are suddenly realizing that not everything they were taught as fact and as law, is actually fact and law. Add to this the fact that the girls are not encouraged to think and to question, and you've got the makings for a really serious problem.

shiegetz aross said...

Hi i just wanna to show sport i know how you feel i got screamed on "SHIGETZ AROSS" a simple friday night bwalkin down bedford av. with my friend just becuse i hade a relationship with a girl. but we need to stick togather and keep our heads up high just becuse there are so many like us who don;t wanna live like that. thanks for writeing this blog i'll keep on reading. good wuch

Anonymous said...

HI it's me agian (SHiGETS AROSS) i foregot to tell you that i know a shpitzel woman who one friday night i wass in manhattan in times sq.and i was tampted to go in the amc i wait in line to buy a ticket(for the movie mr & mrs. smith)and all of a sudden i see this shpitzel woman and since i hade my curels as useal (i play the drums in the clubs with my payuss down so i have more fans)and i was realy not comfterble so i quickly put on a cap(Mets)and tucked my payuss awaym before she hade a chance to see me.
well shewas right behind me in line whan she asked me if a ticket we be more than $50? so i understud it must be her first time going to a theater so i say in yiddish that this is a movie theater in not a broadway show. as soon she heared me speek yiddish she ran out but i wave her she schuld not be a kid and come whach the movie.
while we whach the movie i find out who she is and tells me that her housband is realy frum ha go's to his father's(a ruve) butta so she hase time and how she has to fake it and she never is plaesed by her housband.she askes for my name and as allways i say my real name.than she says oh u r yadda yadda yadda.anyway she tells me who she i know here housband i learend with him in yhsivah. and i know that rely he is hangin out in clubes on friday night but tells his vife that he goes to the butta and than to this and that rebbi and he fakes make a loung story short(and i am not talkin about a BRISS) i hooked tham up again and now they are happly marrid and moved to boro park and thay come to some of my shows whan i play. good wuxh every 1

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...


Great story! My husband and I had a good laugh. And there is a deep moral in it. A couple need to be able to communicate their true desires. Otherwise their marriage is no true relationship.

Pity you didn't post this on the most recent post as that's where everyone checks.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...


Great story! My husband and I had a good laugh. And there is a deep moral in it. A couple need to be able to communicate their true desires. Otherwise their marriage is no true relationship.

Pity you didn't post this on the most recent post as that's where everyone checks.