Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Chullent

I was having typical Post Shopping Trauma. I had spent a full day in Boro Park exhausting my credit card and I started to question the good the shabbos robe did for me figure. Maybe it does give away the truth?

I got a little aware of my surroundings when a yungerman besides me placed his order. I was after him in line, and I was gonna feed some soup to my rumbling midsection. Any other edibles will only increase my suspicion about the shabbos robe.

The misses behind the counter in this corner deli was taking instructions.

Hallo, mach es ah pickle size potion mit chullent. In zey nisht karg mit deh fleysh, herst? Git hys, git hys. A slice kishka. Hust kigle? Overnight? Geb noor.


As the guy was carting away his tray to the little table in the eating section, I suddenly heard a divine voice tell me what to do. I was to take the tray from the guy and tell him “Yo, go home and eat the chicken soup the wife made”.

I was amusing myself with the thought when I realized the man had already left. He walked out with a loud burp as a thank you to the chef.

Not all men are like that, but I know quite a few that simply lack some manners. Eating your food is fine, but take your time and treat it with respect. Don’t pounce on it.

A while ago somebody posted a question on Yahoo answers. The person was wondering why Hassidic men smell. Smell? That was very unfair. Especially using that expression.

But deep down, I knew that although it is not right to be stereotyped with any such labels, some of our bachurim have turned into yungeleit without being taught anything about personal hygiene.

I’d start by simply introducing cleaning accessories called ‘soap’ and ‘deaoderant’. I’d point out that a toothbrush is not just for making pesachdig. A hair brush, although popularly designed for his sister, can be borrowed for the beard. And socks must be changed once a day.

Please and Thank You is universally also known as ‘bita’ and ‘danka’ so language barrier is not an excuse. On the subject: holding the door for others is not a must, but slamming it into other’s faces isn’t either.

If the wife isn’t the balabusta to do the buttons or wash the tallis there are professionals that do that. Also, not looking at woman is tsnuis, but not looking at all is not a chimreh, so wash them’s glasses. I'm not sure if people know this, but understanding a peshetle needs digging into the upper part of the face called brain, not the lower part called beard.

And mostly, don’t forget. Chullent is not G-D.

41 comments:

Mindy said...

in this house there is nevr enough soap or deodorant because the Mister hogs it. and every four days when I do the laundry there are eight pairs of socks.

There are stil some chasidish hygienic men out there.

Mindy said...

in this house there is nevr enough soap or deodorant because the Mister hogs it. and every four days when I do the laundry there are eight pairs of socks.

There are stil some chasidish hygienic men out there.

nuch a chosid said...

Shptizle is getting better (or is that worse) with every post.

Don't u dare stereotpe chasidish guys, i don't burp lika a chazer, I don't gop out to fress chulent instaed of eating my wifes hardworked yummy supper, and I don't smell, at least not THAT smell...

I make my wife work hard wih the laundry,. that's not so nice, but she aint complainig, better then having a stinker who changes only every rosh chodesh.

I am not a FARPUTZTZER eitehr, i don't smell like a bar of soap, or wear colongne, I use deoderant when i feel the need to, but i am not a big 'shvitzer', so i don't relly need it.

yeah, i know some who fit your description, there are not too many.

Also A Chussid said...

I will excuse your overly generalization and stereotyping my gender and Chasidisher type, simply for the fact that I had a good laugh reading this.

Your chullent-tepel description hardly represents a tiny teeny percent of Chasidim. This behavior is not mutually exclusive of men outside Chasidishvile.

Y.Y. said...

good post i hope you are getting it off your chest

It's All Good Now said...

Shpitzle, unfortunately, there are a lot of women who fit your description as well. Perhaps not with the burp-out-loud, but certainly with hygiene, or lack thereof, and most definitely with manners. At the risk of divulging my identity, I'll say that when I hold the door open for a person (man AND woman), and I don't get a thank you, I invariably say, "YOU'RE WELCOME". Most of the time, the person will turn around and say, "Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you."

Hoezentragerin said...

Hey Shpizel, AKA Mrs. Shmekidik, you are soooooo busted :)


http://shmekidik.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Hoizen, you think? then it should of been Mr. Shmekidig
And Shpitz, if thats the case, Just TELL IT TO HIS FACE.

Hoezentragerin said...

Nope, she's Mrs. Shmekedik
Shpizel is a true Aishes Chayil. No threesomes in their marrige. Remember?

EX-blogger said...

Shpitz, there are a few points you made in your post:
A) Men should eat their wives food
Perhaps she is not a good cook or pre occupied with something else, and was not able to prepare.
I assume it was lunch time, so are you telling all woman to prepare lunch for thier hubs?/??
B) He was very specific in what he wants in his plate.
Typical guydecisive, descriptive.
Were you jealous cause he didnt have the robe issue?
On the other hand, I doubt his wife would follow his menu.
C) He ate quickly,
Perhaps he was in a hurry , rather then a chazer.
D) Loud burp.
Disgusting but doubtfully true.
E)"Hasidic men smell"
They dont. It is an undiscriminating fact :The ones who dont take showers smell.
F) Wipe their glasses to see clear.
I would think its better the less they see.
G) Chulent is not G-d.
or else why are there lightnigs when it thunders.

Anonymous said...

JBF was right, now hoezon is on to poor shpitzle.

Y.Y. said...

where can i get the best thursday night chulent?
tia

Y.Y. said...

ex blogger
awesome remarks

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Mindy: Count your blessings, I'm telling you...

Nuch: Thanks....
See, that's the problem with men. They can't always be left to judge their shvitz status. You make a habit of it and you're on the safe side.

Also: LOL. Glad you can handle it.
But what are you running to your gender's defense for? All points are on your side if you're chassidic. One word against men and you jump?
Besides, I'm not especially easy on the women either.

YY: I agree. We should do a Chullent encyclopedia. Everyone should add their experience. Just don't talk about every bean like it was extracted from an oyster.

It's All Good: You're making me blush. Although I keep doors open too, I am also a little chassidish with my manners. Give me a meal that involves forks and knives and green beans will come flying....

Vaibel: Why say so?

Hoezn: I don't believe my husband is half as obsessed with hygiene. I'm not either.

Ex Blogger: Why do you run to the guy's defense like he's paying you?
It was dinnertime, and what might or might not be the story behind him I don't know. For all I know he might be divorced. I suggest you don't take me so literal. I was making a point. Feel free to argue the point itself.

Anon: Thanks for the intentions but let's not go through that again...

your ok im ok said...

My mom considers deoderant for a bucher very bummish, lol.

I realized not to many chasidish young adults are taught how to behave in a nice manner. my brother is 18, man he's so niave bout real life, he wants to marry a fat woman, thats a sign she can cook.

Ya know i think i need to practice accepting and tolerating their way of living.

BTW: Some shuls have this smell.
As far as my husband is concerned, there's new pair of socks every morning.

I went to this deli one time, this ex chasidish guy was ordering in this grubby manner: ny gemmer shoin darten, mach es shnel. im not mocking its just funny. he looked totally modern but i can tell exactlyw here hes from the minute he opens his mouth.
i get comments like, oh u come from a chasidic background??? alot
which i pride myself in, it shows that I farbesert myself. shaindy

Hoezentragerin said...

"Hoezn: I don't believe my husband is half as obsessed with hygiene. I'm not either."
Duh, I specifically put the smiley icon next to my comment for a reason.

Anonymous, as much as you're dying for some attention, I promise I won't "come after you".

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Nuch - one more thing. I wanted to applaud your happy medium. What's with men using the wife's perfume?

Hoezentragerin - Exactly how I feel. We're all taking each other too seriously.

Ex-Blogger - I had to add. You might be right about the shabbos robe issue. Fat makes me mean.

Shaindy - ditto. I love my brothers but they're often attached to a smell I don't love so much.

EX-Blogger said...

" I was making a point. Feel free to argue the point itself."

I was just not sure which point to argue.
No offense, I do enjoy your blog.
(Aint that obvious)

YY Thanks I guess I write different anonomuosly.

Shpitz whats up with the added "Shtrimpkind"? is that like "Palm"?

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Ex Blogger - I figured, since there are so many Shtrimkind's in the Satmar phone book, it won't hurt if I release mine.

Ex-blogger said...

Seriously, what does it mean?

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Yes, Shtrimp = Palm. Kind is yiddish for child. It's the family name.

ex said...

OK,
I know what kind meant, so am I suppose to think that its your last name?
for "Shtrimp" that dosent say anything close to what "Shpitzle" says, so rather call it "seams" or "Palm"

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Pretty funny.

Y.Y. said...

YY Thanks I guess I write different anonomuosly

what this suppose to mean?

ex-blogger said...

YY, Well it meant that you were acting pretty nasty on MY blog.
(yet again, you do sound like you have gotten yourself a nicer attitude since)

Lakewood Venter said...

lol. Though it is sad how true this is for so many in the chasidic world, it is still funny! They are so busy teaching them all the wrong stuff how to
prepare for life" I think its high time the system is overhauled and they are taught simple lessons about civility, and how to treat people especially women.

I know it's not true of ALL of them, but it's true of enough of them that the stereotyping is warranted!

It's All Good Now said...

By the way, doesn't it say someplace that cleanliness is nexto Godliness? In that case, logic would dictate that Chassidim should be the squeakiest cleanest people on the face of this earth, no?
On the other hand, that might explain why Chassidim are money launderers. After all, "washing" money is a "clean" business, no?

Anonymous said...

obviously a working mother as this shpitzle lady/man is not posting friday.......

Anonymous said...

how can you ? there is no kollel.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Lakewood Ventor - I was starting to think maybe the men are really very clean, with all the heat people give me about stereotyping. But then I step outside and woops, wakeup call.

It's all Good - I LOVE the way you can string a peshetle from one end to the other and make a circle! But practically, the mitzvah might've just meant the chassidic house, as it is cleaner than the average home...
Money laundering? Not cleansing.

Anon - I realize you guys are curious as to who I am, and in the process of wondering you try to be creative. But again, no, I am not a man. Narrow your search down to the veiber shul

leible said...

Shtrimpkind is a young future teitelbaum

shtrimp - is palm(in shpitzel's dictionary)
palm - is a date tree
Date tree - is a teitel boim in yiddish

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Leibel - ha ha ha! you got me laughing.

I'm afraid you got me thinking too. I might actually start my own Shpitzoloini thing.
Hu? Anybody game?

Anonymous said...

zoloini?

Yukel said...

I know a Chanyok that goes to the shower only once a year, Erev Pesach.

Great post! I had a good laught.

Yukel said...

I was standing in the line in Guttleib's the other day and that yungerman was giving insruction on how he wants his sandwich, I heard him saying "Put me on a pickle".

I would like to add my two cents on the 'stink' discussion, I think that hassidic men are overdressed. Try to imagine yourself in a coat when it's 85 degree out there. No wonder they stink.

Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Yuke,

Some good topics sometimes don't actually get to be talked about. I don't know why.

Well, if you are already at the level of WANTING to be clean but struggling with a heavy shtreimel and the shmona begadim, hmmm, that is a problem. If it were up to me all men would wear just shirts and a tsitsis under it. The talis katin serves as a perfect male-bib. The wife spends a week rubbing it and pressing it and then the husband/bochur drinks the zaftig grape juice onto it.

Well, in chassidic circles levish is hereditary, even if it doesn't make sense...

Yukel said...

S.,

The problem realy starts in Yeshiva. They don't allow the boys to use Dove soap and shampoo because "Es past nisht for a chassidisse bucher". So you can only use Ivory or Kosher soap. So what do you expect.

Have you ever seen a Yeshiva Chalat? believe me it's not pretty to look at. The bright side is that it's dark colored, otherwise it would've looked just like that dirty Talis Kuten.

I almost forgot to add. In addition to the shmone begudim there is also a lot of pushing and shoving going on which adds a lot of heat too.

Yukel said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Yukel said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Do I know what a challat is?

Good grief, the ugliest thing that ever entered the planet. Every Pesach and Sukkos when I say Hallel I remember to thank hashem that Byn Hazmanim is over and I won’t see so many chalatkelech roaming the streets anymore. It’s a peculiar color, not black and neither gray, rather a hideous version of washed-out-black.
Baruch Hashem married men don’t wear them!!

As for the pushing, well, there’s extra strength deodorant too…

Anonymous said...

asked a chassidishe woman what perfume she uses. she said sometimes when i need to smell good i use deodorant.
my brother's chalatlech would soometimes shine from shmutz. ughh, shiny shmutz..